Discussing the baseball schedule with my wife over toast

(Sully and his wife are sitting at their table for breakfast. Sully’s wife is eating a piece of toast.)

SULLY’S WIFE:
How late did you stay up watching that game last night?

SULLY:
11:45. Remember it was 2:45 AM in Boston and raining when the game ended. And they are playing another game in just a few hours!

SULLY’S WIFE:
What do you mean they are playing another game? With who?

SULLY:
With the Angels.

SULLY’S WIFE:
I thought they just played the Angels.

SULLY:
They play 3 game series.

SULLY’S WIFE:
How is it in basketball?

SULLY:
Basketball you play one game. Then there’s usually an off day and they play another team.

SULLY’S WIFE:
Why can’t baseball do that?

SULLY:
But in baseball, sometimes they play 6 games a week. The travel costs alone would be prohibitive.

SULLY’S WIFE:
Why can’t they have a travel day in baseball?

SULLY:
They play 162 games! They’d have to start the season in January. That’s the schedule!

SULLY’S WIFE:
What do you mean? That doesn’t have to be the schedule. The other sports seem to get along just fine. And by the way, when I am done eating this piece of toast, I am done having this conversation.

SULLY:
I think the physical toll of a basketball game or hockey game is much greater. I mean in a football game, you can risk your career every play.

SULLY’S WIFE:
So basically you are saying baseball is such a lazy sport that they can play more games because they are out of shape idiots.

SULLY:
No. It’s not that they are out of shape idiots. Baseball is more cerebral.

SULLY’S WIFE:
What is this, chess? What do chess players do? How many travel days do THEY need?

SULLY:
You’re not being fair.

SULLY’S WIFE:
What about spelling bees? Do they need an extra travel day?

SULLY:
A pitcher can’t throw every day. His arm will snap off.

SULLY’S WIFE:
Doesn’t he only throw a few rounds before the next guy comes in?

SULLY:
Innings.

SULLY’S WIFE:
Whatever.

SULLY:
Ideally your starting pitcher will go 7 or 8 innings.

SULLY’S WIFE:
They should do it evenly. 3-3-3.

SULLY:
I’ve actually thought that’s what they should do.

SULLY’S WIFE:
See? I don’t even know what I am talking about and already I have a good idea.

SULLY:
I know everything about baseball and you’ve thought of it and you know…

SULLY’S WIFE:
Nothing.

SULLY:
Very little.

SULLY’S WIFE:
I know as little as I possibly can by choice.

SULLY:
Yet we’ve both thought of the same thing and that is if you have a bunch of pitchers who can only go 2 or 3 innings before they need help, why not have one pitcher throw the first 3, the next one throw the next 3 and a third one throw the last 3? You’d have to have like 40 pitchers on the roster. You are only allowed 25 players all together on your roster.

SULLY’S WIFE:
The more the merrier.

SULLY:
Back on topic.

SULLY’S WIFE:
Here’s my thing. The less I actually pay attention to what you are saying, the better I do.

SULLY:
That seems to be the case in life. You’re only half listening to me.

SULLY’S WIFE:
When I pay attention, things fall apart,

(Another bite of toast.)

SULLY’S WIFE:
How many games do they play in football?

SULLY:
It’s once a week. They play 16 games.

SULLY’S WIFE:
Perfect! That’s what baseball should do.

SULLY:
If they only play 16 games, it would be better for you because instead of me watching a baseball game a night, then I would only be watching it one night.

SULLY’S WIFE:
Right.

SULLY:
What you are not taking into account is this. If I am only watching one game, then I would be more intense. And that day of playing tends to be Sunday when we try to do things as a family. And all that week I’d be building up for the one game

SULLY’S WIFE:
But there would be less for you to talk about.

SULLY:
You have no idea how much people yap about that one football game a week. In baseball it is BOOM! Here’s a game. BOOM! Here’s another game. But in football, the talk on Monday is “Can’t wait for the Miami game.” Tuesday is “Get ready for the Miami game” and by Wednesday I’m thinking “Enough! Just play the Miami game!” but it is still 4 days away.

SULLY’S WIFE:
But it could be like The Good Wife. I look forward to watching it every week. But if it was on every night, it would be The Boring Wife. It’s perfect. Once a week on the DVR. And YOU can DVR the games. You don’t even have to watch the game live.

SULLY:
But if I am watching the game on DVR I’m missing the next game.

SULLY’S WIFE:
What next game?

SULLY:
The other game.

SULLY’S WIFE:
There’s another game?

SULLY:
The game that’s going on while I’m watching the game from the night before!

SULLY’S WIFE:
You only need to play one game a week!

SULLY:
Then you’d only need one pitcher.

SULLY’S WIFE:
Didn’t we establish you needed 3 pitchers now?

SULLY:
But if you are playing one game a week, you can just throw your best

pitcher out for every game.

SULLY’S WIFE:
So you are agreeing with me now.

SULLY:
Wait-

SULLY’S WIFE:
You see, I’ve turned the tables. By the end of this toast, you will be on my side

SULLY:
The great thing about the baseball-

SULLY’S WIFE:
I’m nibbling. I only have a few bites left.

SULLY:
In baseball you lose one game, the very next day you have another shot to win.

SULLY’S WIFE:
That cheapens it! That cheapens the whole thing. That’s what I am saying. I don’t need Juliana Marguiles on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. I just need her Tuesday. Just try it. And if doesn’t work then we go back to your way. And we’re done.

(She eats the last bite.)

New Sully Baseball Video - "Defensive Indifference"

In the latest Sully Baseball video, I point out that the very concept of defensive indifference is nuts and should be taken out of baseball.

And as always, I'm right.

The video is shot and co produced by my amazing wife, Lisa Zambetti.

Enjoy.

MY WIFE DEFEATS A FISH!!!!

As I wrote before, my wife and my fish both predicted a Giants and Rangers World Series.

My wife knows a little more than my fish, and yesterday she proved it once and for all.

Wifey picked the Giants to win it.
Red the fish picked the Rangers.

And I've never seen my wife more proud than when she reigned supreme over a fish.

I can make fun of wifey half watching the games and my fish swimming around... but my picks sucked.

I bow to the superior baseball intellects.

It's FISH versus WIFE

My playoff predictions this year were off... As they always are. (So much for my Phillies/Tampa Bay rematch.)

I got the predictions of my two kids, my sister in law and a random coin toss. None of us got a Rangers/Giants match up.


Do you know who DID pick the Giants and the Rangers to win the pennant?

MY WIFE, LISA!

(She picked the Giants because inactive left hander Barry Zito does yoga and the Rangers because she likes Friday Night Lights.)

And do you know who else picked the Giants and the Rangers?

MY FISH, RED!

I held up pieces of paper with pictures of the team logos on either end of Red's tank. Which ever direction he swam to, I marked down as his pick.

Well guess what?
ALL OF THE FISH'S PICKS HAVE BEEN RIGHT!

But here's the rub:
My wife picked the Giants to win the World Series.

My fish picked the Rangers to win the World Series.

Lisa is already talking smack... threatening to eat sushi in front of Red if the Giants win.

So now in our household, it has come down to this. Who will reign supreme? Whose skills of prediction will win out.

Will it be my wife?
Or my fish?

I hope it is my wife.
Why?

Because first of all, I am rooting for the Giants.

And secondly, unlike Luca Brasi, I do NOT sleep with the fishes.

How did we do with our picks? (And how did the fish do?)

Before the playoffs began, I made my post season picks… and compared them to the picks of my wife Lisa, my sister in law Debbie, my sons Matty and Aidan, a coin toss and which direction my fish Red swam.

With the Division Series over, let’s see how we all did.

SULLY’S PICKS

PHILLIES over REDS
GIANTS over BRAVES
YANKEES over TWINS
RAYS over RANGERS

3 out of 4



SULLY’S WIFE LISA’S PICKS

REDS over PHILLIES
GIANTS over BRAVES
YANKEES over TWINS
RANGERS over RAYS

3 out of 4


SULLY’S SISTER IN LAW DEBBIE’S PICKS

PHILLIES over REDS
GIANTS over BRAVES
TWINS over YANKEES
RAYS over RANGERS

2 out of 4

SULLY’S 5 YEAR OLD SON AIDAN’S PICKS

REDS over PHILLIES
GIANTS over BRAVES
YANKEES over TWINS
RAYS over RANGERS

2 out of 4



SULLY’S 5 YEAR OLD SON MATTEO’S PICKS

PHILLIES over REDS
GIANTS over BRAVES
TWINS over YANKEES
RANGERS over TWINS

3 out of 4



COIN TOSS RESULTS

PHILLIES over REDS
GIANTS over BRAVES
TWINS over YANKEES
RANGERS over RAYS

3 out of 4

So no perfect ones… except for one…

SULLY’S FISH RED’S PICKS

PHILLIES over REDS
GIANTS over BRAVES
YANKEES over TWINS
RANGERS over RAYS

4 out of 4

That’s right folks… my FISH beat us all!
My FISH made all the right picks.

Do you know how humiliating it is to have your picks beaten by a fish?

To remind you, I held a logo for each team on either side of the tank… and which ever direction he went is where I recorded his pick.

He usually swam this way or that… but when I put the Rays and the Rangers logos up, he paused… then looked up at me and asked “Wait, how many starts is Cliff Lee getting?”

My wife is picking the Giants... her logic is sound

Every year I ask my loving and adoring wife for her picks in the playoffs. In 2006 she got every single playoff series correct (including each of the Cardinals upsets.)

The thing is that she doesn't follow baseball. Her logic isn't always sound (she picked the Cardinals over the Tigers because Tony LaRussa is involved in animal shelters and Jim Leyland smokes.) But who cares about the method if the results are good?

So today, the day after our 7th wedding anniversary, we made the 2010 picks official.

SULLY:
So honey, first we need the A. L. picks.

SULLY'S WIFE:
The Al? The Al who?

SULLY:
The American League picks.

SULLY'S WIFE:
Well I liked The Town, so I am going with the Red Sox.

SULLY:
That's great honey, but the Red Sox aren't in it.

SULLY'S WIFE:
OK so who is playing?

SULLY:
The Texas Rangers versus the Tampa Bay Rays.

SULLY'S WIFE:
Bay Rays? Is that like Fay Wray? What kind of name is that?

SULLY:
They are playing Texas.

SULLY'S WIFE:
I am all about Friday Night Lights. So I have to go with Texas.

SULLY:
OK... next is the Twins versus the Yankees.

SULLY'S WIFE:
Well I'm a mother of Twins. I'm leaning towards the Twins. Who are the managers?

SULLY:
Ron Gardenhire manages the Twins. He's a baseball lifer. And Joe Girardi manages the Yankees. He got braces because his daughter got braces and they are doing it together.

SULLY'S WIFE:
Awwww. That's great. Braces trump Twins. Yankees win.

SULLY:
OK, you have Rangers vs. Yankees. To the National League. Phillies versus Reds.

SULLY'S WIFE:
Our fish is named Red.

SULLY:
Yes he is.

SULLY'S WIFE:
You've got to go with Red. Reds win.

SULLY:
OK, Giants versus Braves.

SULLY'S WIFE:
Got to go with Poppy's team. Giants.

SULLY:
Fair enough. So let's go to the next round. New York vs. Texas.

SULLY'S WIFE:
This is baseball right?

SULLY:
Yes, we are talking about baseball.

SULLY'S WIFE:
I guess if Friday Night Lights were baseball it would be Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday Night Lights... that's too many lights. Tell me something about them.

SULLY:
The Yankees are the defending Champs. The Rangers have never won anything.

SULLY'S WIFE:
The underdog! I like that. I am going for the Panthers.

SULLY:
The who?

SULLY'S WIFE:
The Dillon Panthers. They are from Texas. I am all about Texas now.

SULLY:
OK, San Francisco versus Cincinnati.

SULLY'S WIFE:
I thought we already did them.

SULLY:
This is the next round.

SULLY'S WIFE:
Oh jeez. Tell me about them.

SULLY:
You've got the City by the Bay versus the Queen City.

SULLY'S WIFE:
The WHAT?

SULLY:
The Queen City. Cincinnati.

SULLY'S WIFE:
If there is a Queen City, it is San Francisco. What else?

SULLY:
The Reds manager used to be the Giants manager.

SULLY'S WIFE:
Right. Dusty Springfield. He had his kid run on the field.

SULLY:
Yeah, during the World Series. The Giants have the long haired pot smoking pitcher, Lincecum. And the yoga hippie pitcher Barry Zito.

SULLY'S WIFE:
Yoga hippies! Got to go with Yoga Hippies! Giants win.

SULLY:
OK, that's a San Francisco vs. Texas World Series.

SULLY'S WIFE:
I'm not feeling it. I don't even care enough for it to be a Sophie's Choice. It's like choosing between canola oil and sunflower oil. Nothing is Olive Oil.

SULLY:
Just pick one.

SULLY'S WIFE:
You aren't giving me enough. Is there a big divorce or something?

SULLY:
That's the Dodgers.

SULLY'S WIFE:
Do they have mascots?

SULLY:
I think so.

SULLY'S WIFE:
Show me the mascots.

[Sully looks up the Rangers mascot... who is evidently named "Captain." He shows the picture of Captain to his wife. She looks it over.]




SULLY'S WIFE:
Is that a camel?

SULLY:
I'm not sure.

SULLY'S WIFE:
What the hell is it?

SULLY:
It could be a horse.

SULLY'S WIFE:
It looks like a camel. How about the Giants?

[Sully looks up the Giants mascot, a seal named Lou Seal. He shows the picture to his wife.]














SULLY'S WIFE:
Awww. You see that LOOKS like a seal! It doesn't look ANYTHING like a camel.

SULLY:
You are right.

SULLY'S WIFE:
I'm going with the Giants. I like Lou Seal.



So there you have it folks...
The San Francisco Giants will defeat the Texas Rangers in the World Series.
Why?

Because Friday Night Lights is a great show and the Giants mascot doesn't look like a camel.

And THAT is the best playoff preview analysis you will EVER hear!

Why doesn't MLB want my money?

This past Labor Day weekend my family took a weekend trip to the lovely city of San Diego... and while I was there I ran smack dab against a Major League Baseball rule that didn't make a lick of sense to me.

Bear with me.

We were staying in a hotel right across the street from PetCo Park, a stadium I hadn't seen yet. Now the Padres were playing the Rockies Friday night, Saturday afternoon and Sunday afternoon. Our Saturday and Sundays were packed and my wife and I were putting the boys to sleep around 8:30 that night.

When they were down, wifey saw how close we were to a big league game and I was starting to act like Gollum longing for the ring.

"Go watch the end of the game."

So off I went across the street. I knew it was late in the game, but I figure I'd get in. The Padres have had trouble drawing.

I went up to the Ticket window on Tony Gwynn Drive and asked the teenager working behind the counter "One please. Where do you have available?"

"Sorry. No tickets."

I was surprised. The Padres had sold out. Maybe the pennant race had finally caught on with San Diego fans.

"Wow," I said. "You guys sold out!"

"No sir. There are plenty of tickets."

Now you can see how there could be a disconnect here.

"OK, I would like to buy one of them" I said, not 100% sure why there was confusion.

"I can't sell you any tickets sir."

"Why not?"

"Major League Rules. No tickets sold after the 7th inning."

Now I understand no selling beer after the 7th inning because, well, people are probably smashed and they don't want them MORE smashed. But I had never been to a place of business where they were actually saying "Sorry... we won't let you be a paying customer."

I showed him my cash, maybe thinking he thought I was homeless or something.

"I have money and I want to spend it on your product."

"Sorry sir. I can not sell you a ticket."

Now I am no economics major, but I can tell you a surefire way to NOT make money is to turn away people who are saying "I want to spend my money on the product that you are having a hard time selling."

Buster's, the local ice cream shop and cafe in my town, is always selling day old bagels and Rice Krispy treats trying to squeeze and extra buck or two out of their product.

Not the Padres. They were saying "Sorry. We do not want your dough."

"What if I promise to buy a sundae in a plastic helmet?"

"Sorry sir. We have games on Saturday and Sunday."

"I'm seeing Shamu tomorrow. And besides, my kids are asleep, my wife is reading her book and there is a game on RIGHT NOW! THERE! BEHIND YOU!"

"Sorry sir."

It was surreal. It was reverse capitalism.

I walked up to one of the ushers who guard the gate to that great park just beyond center field.

I told him the story. He confirmed. "I am sorry. There is no selling of tickets after the 7th inning."

Hearing it again made it somehow make LESS sense.

Let's think of a not exactly outlandish scenario... Petco Park is located in the Gas Lamp Quarter where there are lots of bars and foot traffic. Let's say you didn't buy a ticket to the ballgame, but Mat Latos is throwing a no hitter and it is the 7th inning.

You find yourself at Rockin' Baha Lobster watching the game and you think "Oh man! He's throwing a no no! I should walk 2 blocks to the big ole half empty baseball stadium and be in the stands and cheer!"

Or you are at the Tipsy Crow and you see the Padres were down 8-1 but are coming back and rallying in the 7th inning.

And you think "Hey. Let me walk 5 blocks, buy a ticket and catch the end of the ballgame!"

Or you are AT the game, sitting in the empty upper deck, you get a text from a friend saying "Where R U?" You write back "At the Padres game."

Turns out they are a trolley stop away and they buy a ticket and join you in the 1/4 filled third deck.

None of those scenarios are crazy or out there.

And each of them throw some extra bucks into the Padres coffers.

And MLB has set up rules to prevent that.

I pleaded my case to the usher... whose gender, race and general description I will not divulge... and the usher nodded, reached into their pocket, gave me a ticket and said "Just go in."

So I got in for free.
The ticket was a $50 ticket. It cost me exactly gotch.

I was willing to spend $20. Instead I spent $0.

Lo and behold I went in and...


... the joint was damn near empty.

I already took the Padres fans to task for not supporting their team...

But man I found this rule to be peculiar.

I've never run a business before but I am sure that turning away customers isn't the way to do it.

I am sure if they an eager customer says "I want to pay $20" the correct bartering technique is NOT "I say $0."

The beautiful ballpark with character and charm is sitting 1/2 empty on a Friday night during a holiday weekend with the team in first place.

Shouldn't the goal be putting asses IN the seats?

Oh I am sure someone will write to me and explain why it is smart to turn customers away and why it hurts the business model.

But let me tell you... it won't be long before the Padres have to figure out what the hell to do about Adrian Gonzalez's contract.

And they'll be fretting that they can't afford to sign him.

They'd have at least an extra $20 to throw at him if it weren't for a silly MLB rule!